Getting over your hairstyle perfectionism
March 23rd 2010 06:45
When I was a child, I was the ultimate perfectionist. Everything I did had to be just so. My bedroom was absolutely spotless (a place for everything, and everything in its place), I was at the top of my class in almost every subject (and was continually angry at myself for my inability to be number one in mathematics), and of course, when it came to my appearance, I made certain that there was not a hair out of place. At age ten I wore my hair in a very tight, stern-looking ponytail and used liberal amounts of hairspray to make sure that it held all day. I was really quite obsessive about it. And while it may have suited my overachieving personality at the time, it certainly didn’t look any good! In fact, all it did was scream to the world that here was a young girl who was suffering from a serious case of perfectionism.
I’m sure many of you can relate to this, as perfectionism is quite common in young girls and can often follow us into adulthood. Many people even perceive it as a good thing! Thankfully, my parents realized soon after I began high school that it was causing their daughter a huge amount of self-inflicted stress, and sought help through a child psychologist. By the time I’d finished high school I was still a high achiever, but far less prone to perfectionism – and my penchant for having not a hair out of place had (thankfully!) all but disappeared.
Anyway, it’s a bit of a long story to start off an article about hairstyles, but I’m sure you understand what I’m getting at. All too often, I see women and girls with hair that is pulled so tight, and literally stuck in place with products, that I feel a rush of empathy towards them. I know what it feels like to want to keep everything under control. The problem is that when your hair is pulled so severely back from your head, it detracts from your overall appearance. It makes you look just a little bit scary, like you’ve never had a moment of carefree fun in your entire life.
Having a ponytail or an updo stuck firmly in position, day after day, is not the only form of hairstyle perfectionism. Some women absolutely must straighten their hair every day before leaving the house. Others, mostly older women, will sleep in hot rollers every night of their lives. Why? Because they feel they have no other choice, in order to maintain their sense of control. The longer they’ve been doing it, the harder it is for them to stop – the routine has become so normal for them that they fail to see just how unnecessary it all is. They’re slowly ruining their hair in the process of heat styling it every day, and yet many would rather knowingly destroy their locks than face the fact that their perfectionism has gotten the better of them.
The good news is that most negative kinds of perfectionism can be controlled, and even eliminated over time – and this, of course, includes the perfectionism you express through your hairstyle. The bad news is that if you’re compelled to have perfect hair at all times, then chances are that your perfectionism is overtaking your life in other areas too. Often this requires the help of a psychologist or counselor, who will guide you through learning to accept being a mere mortal, and that perfection is not only unattainable – it’s actually undesirable, too.
However, if you know that your perfectionism relates only to your hair, then it’s a relatively easy problem to overcome. First of all, you must accept that your hair does not look its best when glued to your head. No-one’s hair does. If you need proof of this, check out the celebrity pics below.
Next, become accustomed to shampooing and conditioning your hair, letting it air dry, and wearing it loose, with no further application of products. You may not be comfortable leaving the house straight away with your hair out of its tight ponytail or bun, but just getting used to it being like that when you’re on your own is a worthy beginning. Enjoy the feel of it and don’t be afraid to admire yourself in the mirror.
After that, you can slowly immerse yourself in wearing less-than-perfect hair, all the while reminding yourself that this is what you want, because it suits you better. Experiment with pretty, slightly messy styles like the romantic updo. Take photos if you like, and compare them with old photos of the severe-looking you. Wear these styles when you’re just hanging out with close friends or family to begin with: chances are the response from them will be a positive one.
And when you’re ready, you can wear a messier style to school, work or whatever it is you do on a daily basis. The key is to take it slowly. It may be months before you’re comfortable with having less-than-perfect hair in public, and if that’s the case, so be it! You will get there in the end. Like most fears, the fear of not being perfect is one that can be overcome with awareness, persistence and a little bit of patience.
If you’d like to read a bit more about how to overcome perfectionism in general, check out this link here. Best of luck to you!
If it looks like this every day, there's a problem.
I’m sure many of you can relate to this, as perfectionism is quite common in young girls and can often follow us into adulthood. Many people even perceive it as a good thing! Thankfully, my parents realized soon after I began high school that it was causing their daughter a huge amount of self-inflicted stress, and sought help through a child psychologist. By the time I’d finished high school I was still a high achiever, but far less prone to perfectionism – and my penchant for having not a hair out of place had (thankfully!) all but disappeared.
Anyway, it’s a bit of a long story to start off an article about hairstyles, but I’m sure you understand what I’m getting at. All too often, I see women and girls with hair that is pulled so tight, and literally stuck in place with products, that I feel a rush of empathy towards them. I know what it feels like to want to keep everything under control. The problem is that when your hair is pulled so severely back from your head, it detracts from your overall appearance. It makes you look just a little bit scary, like you’ve never had a moment of carefree fun in your entire life.
Having a ponytail or an updo stuck firmly in position, day after day, is not the only form of hairstyle perfectionism. Some women absolutely must straighten their hair every day before leaving the house. Others, mostly older women, will sleep in hot rollers every night of their lives. Why? Because they feel they have no other choice, in order to maintain their sense of control. The longer they’ve been doing it, the harder it is for them to stop – the routine has become so normal for them that they fail to see just how unnecessary it all is. They’re slowly ruining their hair in the process of heat styling it every day, and yet many would rather knowingly destroy their locks than face the fact that their perfectionism has gotten the better of them.
The good news is that most negative kinds of perfectionism can be controlled, and even eliminated over time – and this, of course, includes the perfectionism you express through your hairstyle. The bad news is that if you’re compelled to have perfect hair at all times, then chances are that your perfectionism is overtaking your life in other areas too. Often this requires the help of a psychologist or counselor, who will guide you through learning to accept being a mere mortal, and that perfection is not only unattainable – it’s actually undesirable, too.
However, if you know that your perfectionism relates only to your hair, then it’s a relatively easy problem to overcome. First of all, you must accept that your hair does not look its best when glued to your head. No-one’s hair does. If you need proof of this, check out the celebrity pics below.
Tyra Banks
Kate Bosworth
Kim Kardashian
Jennifer Lopez
Next, become accustomed to shampooing and conditioning your hair, letting it air dry, and wearing it loose, with no further application of products. You may not be comfortable leaving the house straight away with your hair out of its tight ponytail or bun, but just getting used to it being like that when you’re on your own is a worthy beginning. Enjoy the feel of it and don’t be afraid to admire yourself in the mirror.
After that, you can slowly immerse yourself in wearing less-than-perfect hair, all the while reminding yourself that this is what you want, because it suits you better. Experiment with pretty, slightly messy styles like the romantic updo. Take photos if you like, and compare them with old photos of the severe-looking you. Wear these styles when you’re just hanging out with close friends or family to begin with: chances are the response from them will be a positive one.
Hair is meant to move!
And when you’re ready, you can wear a messier style to school, work or whatever it is you do on a daily basis. The key is to take it slowly. It may be months before you’re comfortable with having less-than-perfect hair in public, and if that’s the case, so be it! You will get there in the end. Like most fears, the fear of not being perfect is one that can be overcome with awareness, persistence and a little bit of patience.
If you’d like to read a bit more about how to overcome perfectionism in general, check out this link here. Best of luck to you!
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Comment by Dianna G
I Wish This Was 42
Fictional Worlds
It's interesting to note that while I keep my hair down all the time and don't care if it gets messy, when I put it up it has to be perfectly up. I think it's because I'm so picky when I do my hair up that I never do-it's just too much work.
~Dianna
Comment by Journeywoman
Great Hair Style Tips
I Dream of Hollywood
Fashion Peach
I've never found putting my hair up to be too much work - I guess because I don't heat style my hair at all, I have the time for getting it how I like it (which these days is usually faux messy).
Each to their own, and thanks for commenting Dianna!